Dear Brit,
Don't take this the wrong way, but it's been clear to some of us in the group for a while that your heart's really not in the whole song-and-dance routine anymore. Since I feel like no one's telling you this, I'm taking on the responsibility myself: You don't have to do this anymore! You're free!
Look: You did it, you made it to the top. We're all SOO proud! Now take your millions and Sean, Jaden and Jeremiah and whatever other kids you have stashed in that Malibu McMansion, go back to Louisiana and eat all the Cheetos your precious little heart desires. You deserve it! At the height of her reign it felt like Britney barely stopped for a Starbucks Y'ALL, and this was all between enforcing matching couple outfits with then sweetheart Justin Timberlake and making soundbytes like "BUT I THOUGHT THE OLD LADY DROPPED IT INTO THE OCEAN IN THE END?" part of public consciousness. Her contemporaries all tried to steal the crown, but to no avail. Christina's voice was powerful but her name too foreign, Jessica Simpson was sexy as hell, but too curvy and too threateningly sensual, and Mandy Moore? PAH.
Okay sure, there have been many questionable moments in her lengthy service as pop queen, like shaving off her and beating the crap out of a paparazzi's car, singing the word 'me' as 'maaaayuh' and the Gimme More video which looked like it was filmed on somebody's Blackberry, BUT LET'S NOT FORGET FRIENDS, that Britney shut it down when she stomped into the 2001 VMAs armed with only a seven foot python and some body oil to perform "Im'a Slave 4 U". Now, Ms Spears has announced this two year Vegas residency, and while I would happily donate a vital organ to see Britney live, this all just seems really sad. It's clear Britney's interests don't lie in show business anymore, and that's okay, she's paid her dues, so it just feels like her management (looking at you Daddy Spears) are just milking the last of their cash cow. I have no doubt that it will probably be one of the most cutting-edge pop productions to ever hit Las Vegas, but if I wanted to go see someone who was dead behind the eyes, I'd look in the mirror.
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